Just Because They Didn't Hit You

“I never meant to treat you badly, but I did anyways”. 

A relationship is a two way street. Not only did you treat me poorly, but I hurt you as well. I hold no more grudges, I simply tell these stories so that may other may learn and grow from my mistakes. 

I stopped and thought today about where I was exactly a year ago. I don’t remember the details of 2/16/11 exactly but I know I was in pain. I know the constant anxiety was consuming my heart and I was fighting to hard to make you mine. Even though I technically had you, you were never really there with me. We weren’t a team together. We were two people fighting so hard against one another for completely different things. I was addicted to you. I was so unbelievable in love with you, all I wanted was for you to feel the same. You weren’t sure if you ever loved me. We had almost been together for a year at this time and I still felt as if you were never really mine and more importantly I was never really yours. You wanted freedom, you wanted other girls, but you would still keep me wrapped around your finger. You were trying to have the best of both worlds, while mine was falling apart. 

A year ago today I was in a dark place. I was depressed, addicted, insecure and I felt as if I was walking on egg shells with everything I did and said. At that time I never imagined myself as I am today. I have grown up so much. You were the source of my insecurity, my anxiety, my sadness. Scratch that. Our relationship was the source of all the negative aspects in my life. I knew in my heart that was why I was so lost, but I was in denial. I didn’t think I could find someone I loved as much as you, someone I could imagine my life with. I haven’t found another person like that yet, which IS FINE. I have never been happier in my entire life and I am completely alone. 

You can not expect happiness to come from other people. You must make your own. A year ago today I thought my life was slowly ending. I never imagined in a million years how confident and positive my life would turn out to be and all the amazing people I would meet, just because I gave up on you. 

(Source: realtalk-issues)